More buried treasure from the Eric archives.
This was written to myself back in 2010, during the time where I was post divorce, and pre-meeting and marrying Beth. It was a time of self-evaluation and self-discovery. A time of learning, and growing and healing.
I recognize in re-reading this 6-years later, that almost all of what I wrote as a ‘looking forward to’ is now a part of my reality. It begs the question of whether there is a connection between, having the intention, writing it down and welcoming it into my life.
There have been many wonderful teachers along the way. Some who presented their agreed upon material and exited my life. Some exited of their choice, others of mine. (as it should be). I’m grateful to each one, but would be less than honest if I didn’t disclose that it took me some time, in some cases to get to the place of gratitude. 🙂
In 2010, there was a move “The King’s Speech”. It was a well done, incredibly powerful movie. I watched it multiple times… and looked for some truth, some lessons that applied to me and my life.
Here’s some of what I wrote down, in case there’s any value for you.
Some of these were lines delivered to the King by Geoffrey Rush’s character:
“You cannot be afraid of what happened when you were 5!”
“Talk to me like I’m the only one in the room Say it to me like you’re talking to a friend.”
“Why are you afraid of your voice- you have a RIGHT to your voice.”
“If I am not afraid , if I claim my voice, I am back in my power.” said by the King.
For me, the Geoffrey Rush character was the voice of God.
Looking at my take-aways from the movie got me thinking, and writing.
How do these thoughts resonate with you?
The realization that I have spent my life making sure that everyone else has gotten what they need- (parents, spouse, siblings, kids, clients, friends, business organizations that I belonged to, church and spiritual organizations I belonged to) and have never really looked at what I needed.
I accepted whatever small tokens of thanks like a puppy. I strove to be a ‘good boy’ by being of service and making very few demands.
How did I come to perceive myself to be of such limited value? How did I come to deny my own needs and desires to be of secondary importance? How did I come to be satisfied with scraps of affection, of ‘left over’ scraps of time and energy?
More importantly- how do I find MY voice? My worthiness? My power? What do I do to come to a new understanding of who I am? What I want? What I need? How do I project the new minimum acceptable standards to those in my life?
How do I turn the corner to a joyful, fulfilling, love filled life?
First, is the realization that I have great value. Period. I do not need to DO anything to be OK, good, great. My joy, for the most part has come from being helpful to others. But, I’ve never seriously looked at where my true joy comes from.
So the mission now, is to look for the roots of MY joy. MY JOY! And to embrace it fully.
Lake Michigan Sunsets
Digging in the Dirt
Amazing Food and Beverages
Attending Cultural Events
My Son and Daughter
A Day of Browsing
I look forward to:
Having a loving partner- and equal to share time, love, and my bed with.
Waking up in her arms with a big smile
Feeling her passion and unconditional love and support.
Feeling my passion, unconditional love and support of her.
My life is VERY good! I have no regrets for choices made. I’ve never been in a better place.
I want to be mindful at all times for how blessed my life is.”
It is my intention by sharing these glimpses of my thoughts and my life, that someone will see thoughts and words that help them move forward in their journey.