As 2016 headed into the home stretch, as I do every year, I spent some time reflecting on the year almost gone, and then some additional time setting my intentions for the new beginning that landed on January 1st. This year, I’ve also set a goal of clearing the decks in every storage area, every file cabinet, every hard drive. It is not totally unlike the excavation of my Journals I’ve been working through. The reward from that effort has been quite a few of the blog posts that precede this one.
So far, the return on investment as I make my way, file-by-file, drawer-by-drawer, shelf-by-shelf has been multi-part, and I’m not close to done. I’ve discovered things I’ve written, photos I’ve taken, memories that had faded that when rediscovered put a smile on my face or reminded me of parts of my process that worked so well, I stopped using them.
Those who know me won’t be surprised that as I sort and shift and pitch things, my mind is busy. Looking at why I’ve saved the things I’m finding. Discerning whether it’s a nugget worth keeping, or something that is recyclable, whether it needs to be passed along to another person or whether it is purely stored garbage.
But on deeper levels, I worked through the process looking at how I wished to begin 2017 and then to make it the most powerful year possible. My desire to reach and assist as many clients as possible. Wanting to expand my teaching and workshop schedules to help the attendees reach levels of living that they’ve not been certain were attainable.
Another part of the process appears to be an endless process of self-evaluation. Measuring whether my actions and goals are in alignment to see if I’m living as the highest version of myself (or perhaps making sure I’m moving in that direction). I found that as I look at the level of internal alignment, it is sometimes easy to see where it’s out of whack, purely on the basis of my own resistance.
Whether that resistance shows up as a too quiet appointment book, symptoms of less than stellar health, energy levels that might not be optimal, or whether I just feel out of sorts, grumpy or angry, those are all signs to me that I need to take a step back, go within, spend some time reconnecting, meditating and remembering to fly higher and have that big picture in my view.
Many teachers over the years have in one way or another sharpened my awareness that the things that bother me the most about other people and situations can be the things that I dislike about myself. The people and situations in my life are holding up a mirror for me to look into, and the level of resistance I feel toward them, is at least equal to the resistance I have toward one or more aspects of my own life.
As the process rolls along, I’ve found deeper pockets within myself of uncertainty and resistance than I thought I would at this point in my life. The ongoing questioning of direction, desire, intention, value and so much more. Even as I sit in a Florida condo on the shores of the Atlantic Ocean, realizing how incredibly lucky I am.
It’s been a time of revisiting choices and outcomes. A time of looking at the results I’m experiencing with an eye on which of my actions, thoughts and beliefs might need a tweak to get closer to the outcomes and experiences I’ve been desiring.
More importantly, there is a realization that I no longer want to delay my joy until some arbitrary measuring has been exceeded or some goal met. I’m 63 years old… old enough to suspect that I have fewer years ahead than I have behind. Objective enough to realize that by almost any measure, I’m living a pretty outstanding life.
My challenge (let’s be real, ONE of my challenges, and challenges can be accurately called choices too) is to allow myself to by happy with where I am, with whatever human frailties and faults I might have. To be actively IN each moment and experience, to take every ounce of joy that I can find. To laugh more, love more, to allow myself more simple pleasures, and to lessen the amount of harsh judgement I hold for myself and others.
There is plenty of room for improvement in this area. But even looking at that fact is related to resistance and likely bumps me out of alignment. Hmmmm. Is that the circle of life.
Please feel free to comment with ways that you stay in alignment, and reduce your resistance!!