I’m someone who loves clichés, uses metaphors liberally and tries to be very exacting with my words. I generally have extended grace, assumed the best and given 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances, even when it’s likely they were not deserved.
I believed that was the ‘right’ thing to do. It also allowed me to honor an unspoken vow that had roots (likely) in my childhood… “avoid confrontation at all cost.”
That last part it turns out, hasn’t always served me well, so I’ve been gradually working on eliminating my tendency to roll over and play dead.
I started from a place where in the face of potential conflict, I’d visualize putting the upside and the downside of confronting the situation vs. rolling over/dead and if I determined that the upside was not significantly better than the downside, I’d roll.
Over many years, the lesson I learned (however wrong-headed it was) was that somehow I was less than, that my opinion was not as valid, my needs or desires were not as important as ‘the other’s’.
Now I’ve reached the point where I’m no longer willing to live that way, and I’ve begun to take small steps in the direction of living more authentically, living in my own truth and power, while at the same time striving to be fair, reasonable and rational.
As processes go, it’s a good one for me. Interesting even. The evaluation has shown me that some unpleasant things have floated up in my punchbowl, that need to be resolved. Some new, some that I’ve done work with in the past, some that I believed I’d completely dealt with before. So it’s been time to go back to some old tools and exercises that have served me well in the past, to dust them off and put them back into action.
I’m finding that with my backside in the sand, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean on a 75 degree day, is about the perfect setting for the work that is calling to be done.
There will be some removal going on in every imaginable way. Some old beliefs, old programs, self-imposed false limitations, perhaps even some people. But it’s sort of like cleaning out a closet or the garage, if it’s stored garbage, or something that is no longer relevant, supportive, bringing joy, away it goes.
It’s always felt so good go clear the decks, purge, recycle and remove. Rarely have I had regret, and I’m sure this process will be the same.
How can I be the best I can be, if I’m dragging along a hundred or more pounds of old crap? I’m ready to fly higher and faster, ready to get rid of old audio or video loops that bring nothing positive to my world and to associate with people who I look forward to connecting with, who engage in interesting and mature conversations, who are living powerfully in their own lives… and challenge and support me in mine.
Accepting applications now! 🙂