Lessons, Tuition, Knowing, Trusting

It is not lost on me, that I’m pretty lucky (some might say blessed, but that’s a word that I think is a touch overused).  But I’ve got a loving and lovely wife, I’m close with my kids and really enjoy the adults they’ve become.  There’s a barn and house full of animals that are beautiful, insightful and interesting, work that lights up my heart and so very much more.

One of the many luxuries of my current life, is that I have (and take) time to ruminate over what’s going on within me, in my life, in my community, country and world.  I am claiming that as one of the gifts of age.

I’ve reached the point, where I’m much less inclined to run 24/7, trying to get more, more, more.  I’m discovering that less is many times more fulfilling, and certainly less crazy-making.

I do believe that SOMETIMES people and situations present to us to hold up a mirror for us to look into, or perhaps to show us a pattern in ourselves that when examined, might generate some desire to change or growth

While I’m not hyper-focused on ‘where’s the lesson’ in every situation, I do keep an eye out for them as a general awareness sort of thing.

As the frosty morning greeted me today, I remembered that we’re very much in the home stretch of 2018.  On the overall, it’s been a really good year for me.  Personally, professionally, health wise, progress on improvements at home, at the office.  I picked up a son-in-law, and he came with his 4-kids who are ‘grandkids’ (though I’m not sure I’d know exactly the title they’d have…. so grandkids works for me.)  🙂

Each year has brought new people into my world, and generally some others who have exited for one reason or another (or for no known reason).  This year was no different in that respect.

In my various activities and events, I’ve connected (and re-connected) with some truly remarkable people.  It will be fun over the next months and years to explore those associations and friendships, knowing that there is much good to give and receive in each.

As for the exits in 2018, it was a fairly quiet year in terms of grim reaper visits to Hotel Caledonia.  We’re home to a slightly elderly population, so we know that those visits can happen at any time.  I guess the primary difference for us, is that we have 30+ souls under our care, so the odds are higher than most households for such an exit.

Some other changes left one degree or another in disappointment, but no lasting wounds or scars. Perhaps I’ll be a bit more discerning when drawing an inner circle, I will definitely be quicker to trust, when I sense a red flag being waved, and if/when situations call for an intervention, confrontation, or just pulling the plug, I will be quicker to act.

I will, however, strive for kindness in all situations, knowing that I sometimes fail miserably in that area.

They did provide, like so many situations do, a call to look at the events, look at the people and situations to assess how they played out.   To assess what might have been different, what could have been handled differently, and of course to grieve the irreversible end of relationships that were at one time important.

Like a lot of other times in my life, there was great confirmation that I had read things accurately, and made a decision (time and time again) to ignore the data in front of me, holding out hope that I was mistaken, to be shown that I was not.  Or, quite possibly . to extend grace, even when it wasn’t called for.

The tuition on some of those courses was quite high.  The outcomes made me question whether there was even an ounce of sincerity in anything that was said and done.  The answer I have arrived at is that there was very little that wasn’t calculated or about establishing and maintaining control.

To be provided with such powerful confirmation that I did know what I believed I knew, and to be pushed by the situations to not continue a life-long pattern of rolling over and playing dead in order to avoid confrontation are both good things.

There is nothing I can do to save others a similar outcome.  Despite being someone who has always wanted to help, to fix to heal things… there is a long list of things that are not in my job description.  This is one of those things.

I can only hope that others, if they find themselves with nagging questions and doubts will be quicker to honor what they know.

The rest, I suppose is a score that Karma might settle.

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